Tuesday, March 17, 2009


Grey Grey,
Last night I finally dreamt of you, but it wasn't the dream I hoped for. It was black, pitch black. I could hear you, babbling on the couch. But I was frozen, like if I moved I would awaken and I'd no longer be able to hear your voice.

It took everything I had just to get out of bed this morning. All day I felt as if I couldn't take a deep breathe. And I've tried to analyze my dream over and over.

Coming home from a long overdue dinner with your godmother, Blackbird came on. Of course, it was the DMB version. As I listened to it, I realized it had to have been another gift from you, maybe an explanation as to why last night was so "dark".

I miss you Little Man.

Forever Your Mom

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.


catherine said...


I loooove Blackbird. We played it at Carmen's memorial, as I believe you did at Grey's. My latest tattoo was inspired by the song, and I now have 2 blackbirds (Ella and Mick) sitting in a tree and a blackbird flying towards the moon and edge of night, just like my Carmie.
There's a book by Joan Didion called 'The Year of Magical Thinking'. I didn't really enjoy it...her magical thinking was still reigned in by the insecurites of intellect...it was more a book expressing denial after the death of her husband than true 'magic'al thinking. It really just ruined a good title for a book that I'd like to write about experiences like yours. How amazing is it to be open to all sorts of signs and messages from your Grey? How great is it to still feel connected to your youngest son, even though he's not here physically. SO many people aren't open to it, or dismiss it all as coincidence. It's a blessing, and just another of Grey's gifts.
lots of love,

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