It has been over a year since I have blogged. That's a long time. A lot can happen in a year.
First off, I am proud to say that by my 40th birthday I managed to lose 40 pounds! I also have become an avid runner (I know, I can't believe it either)! I still have a few more pounds to go and a few more areas to tone, but all in all I feel that I'm in the best shape that I've been in since high school.
Last weekend I cleaned out my closet and ended up taking 11 bags of clothes that were too big for me to Hospice. They have a resale shop here in town. Going back to Hospice is always bitter sweet for me. The lady who took my clothes asked me why I chose to bring them there. My reply, "Hospice took care of my little boy like he was their own." I don't think she expected that answer. My mom, my aunt, but not my son.
Grey has been on my mind an awful lot lately, which I guess is my reason for blogging. Therapy. Every new school year brings about new people who have never known me as Grey's mom. That stinks. Don't get me wrong, I love sharing his story. It just makes me sad that there will always be a part of me that they will never know.
But, on the positive side, meeting new people reminds me that I am healing. Grey's story flows much easier now, in words not in tears. Some of my newest friends have been my saving grace. In no way am I discounting my friends who have been through Grey's loss with me. They will always be very dear to me. But I have a great appreciation for those friends that have willingly jumped into my life "after Grey". Those people have convinced me, that through it all, I still have something left in me to give, something of value to them. With baggage in hand, they have offered to help carry my load. They have thrown themselves into my journey, having not even known Grey. I am so lucky to have those people in my life. They are amazing!
Again, I come back to the best advice ever - "Surround yourself with those who you want to be a reflection of and who want to be a reflection of you" - Cecilia Perez
So here are my reflections -
A female version of my husband with awesome sunglasses
The male version of my husband, also with awesome sunglasses that I bought for him
A 73 year old fighting retirement
A woman whose personality matches her "tatas"
The people who wear my son's name across their chest by choice
You know who you are. Thank you. Love.