Thursday, February 12, 2009

Two Months

I know the quality of this picture is not great, but it really does show Grey's spirit. It was taken during our stay at the hospital. In one arm is his IV. In the other is Oatmeal. His smile, those eyes . . . amazing.

Two months . . . Wow! It seems like forever since I've run my fingers through his hair, kissed his little fingers, felt his touch on my cheeks. If two months feels like forever, what is two years going to feel like?

Today I have lived 12/12/08 over and over in my mind . . . the orange color of his lips from the Gatorade, the limpness of his body as I held him, the medicine on his breathe, the lavender baby lotion Syndi put on him after he had passed. I see the Suburban pulling in our driveway, the white sheet, the license plate as he was taken away. The emptiness and sadness of that day could never be put into words.

Two months, and the emptiness feels just as big, if not bigger.

There's an emptiness inside her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
But all the colors mix together
To Grey . . . and it breaks her heart

Little Man,
Everything about you was perfect. Everything about you, even your disease, is what made you you. I know that your time here was limited, that no matter what I did, you could not have stayed one second longer. You were part of a bigger plan, a plan that unfolds before my very eyes more and more every day. You were chosen to impact this world, and I was lucky enough to be chosen to be your mom. Even in your loss, I am truly grateful for that.
Forever Your Mom


catherine said...

I can't tell you how much your feelings and words mirror mine from about a year ago. Carmen's death hit me like a wall around the 2 month mark...and you're right: Grey and Carmen did have so many similarities. What amazing little people. I miss them. He really did have such beautiful eyes and an easy, loving smile.

xo Catherine

please feel free to call me anytime as well 416 922-0057. Love the tattoos! I've got Carmen's name, her portrait and I'm going back on Sunday for a tribute to her, Ella and Mick.

Sabrina (Angel Zoe's Mommy) said...


I love the tattoos! I have plans of getting Zoe's name on my wrist very soon. I'm trying to perfect the design. I guess I have to accept that it will never be as perfect as she was.

Grey's smile just blows me away. What a beautiful little man.