This has been the first weekend that I have not been totally consumed by your loss. Before I knew it I was outside playing Frisbee with Ry and singing to an old Merle Haggard song.
I don't know if I should be relieved by that, or feel guilty. I know you wouldn't want me to feel guilty, and I'm working hard not to. I'd like to think that you know that Riley is the one that I respond to the most. That you use him to make me laugh, to get me moving. I'd like to think that you were in the driveway with us, enjoying our game. I wonder if you're using him to try to mend the hole in my heart.
Tomorrow it will be me and your dad's 12th wedding anniversary. I almost feel as though I could celebrate. Through your loss I've learned to love so much harder.
I love you Grey. And although I miss you terribly, I feel like I am beginning to learn how to function again. For that, I love you even more.
Forever Your Mom