Thursday, December 10, 2009

Day Ten

Magical Memory #10 was snow.

A year ago, close to midnight, Grey got to see snow. I remember bundling him up and taking him on the front porch. I remember his eyes opening as the cold rushed over his body. I remember snuggling with him by the Christmas tree, listening to the other boys enjoying the rarity.

Snow, maybe the only thing coming close to Grey's beauty. Snow from the Heavens, maybe to welcome him, to give him a glimpse of the beauty that was to soon come.

Snow. My baby saw snow.

This past week has been really hard for me. I can't even explain the emotions that I am feeling. I had no idea, that as I stormed through Grey's death, my mind was filing every action, smell, and sound of every moment to be relived a year later.
Yesterday . . . a year since most of my school family came to say goodbye. Misti's forced smile. Mitzi's soup. All of them gathered around the Lazy-Boy. Grey settled on Dani's chest. My heart still breaks as I look at their faces.
Today . . . a year since Dani, Richard, Chelsy, and Hillary said goodbye. I can see Dani's broach, Richard's nervous hand as he stroked Grey's hair, Chelsy's tears, and Hillary's face.
Tomorrow . . . a year since Ceci said goodbye. I can see her whispering in his ear.

It's been a week of goodbyes. They play over, and over, and over in my head. But I feel them deep within my soul.

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