Today is Riley's 6th birthday. We had an army party for him. His little best friend spent the night at our house for the first time. There were tons of family and friends here, 22 of us. It was nice to have people over to celebrate, not to just visit because they are so worried about us. Don't get me wrong, company is always nice. It was just nicer to have something to celebrate. It makes me laugh, as wild as our house is, that our friends still chose to come and that our family actually enjoyed it. It makes me think that we are actually not as broken as I feel.
As my little nieces and nephew ran around and laughed, it was hard not to miss Grey. But I know I wasn't the only one in the room missing him and found comfort in that. If anything, my nieces and nephew were there to remind me how life is to be lived, oblivious to the sadness in my heart. I am determined not to be "the teacher who lost her baby".
It's crazy, that even in his absence, Grey is still bringing us all together. I think I've seen the biggest change in my dad. I've seen him more in the last few months than I've seen him in the last few years. No one is to blame. The idea of just being too busy engulfed us both. I realize how much I've missed him. I love the way he now interacts with the boys. I'm glad he's their grandpa.