Just a little bit ago Bill and I sat on the couch and cried. Most likely before I finish this post, it will be Grey's first birthday. Our heads ache and our hearts are heavy as we realize that there are so many things that we will be unable to share with Grey, like his first birthday.
But as I sit here now, I wonder just what kind of party God throws you for your very first birthday. There were many things that Grey would not have been able to do or enjoy. He wouldn't have been able to dig into his own cake. He wouldn't have been able to rip into his presents or play with his toys. I bet God knows that I would have given him a monkey cake with jungle balloons, and he has that now. And instead of only books or musical toys that Grey could enjoy, God will give him balls to throw and trucks to push. And I've come to realize that only in Heaven could Grey really have the best first birthday.
As sad as I want to be, and as tears roll down my face, I know that Grey was just on loan. That he was sent here, to us, for a reason. And even though I don't know what that reason is, I know that he had touched more people in his 11 months, 3 weeks, and 1 day then most people will ever touch in their entire life time. He still continues to touch people. Really, how can I be sad about that?
Bill turned forty on December 3rd. Yesterday I found pictures from his party. The boys and I threw him a Star Wars birthday. When you see Grey in the pictures you can tell that he was oblivious to what was to come within the next week. He was such a happy baby, with such a sweet spirit. He lived hard, and he loved hard.
We are a stronger family because of him.