Saturday, January 10, 2009


Although I have always believed in Heaven, I don't think I really thought deeply about it for any length of time until I knew my son was a part of it. Undoubtedly, one day all my questions will be answered.

But until then I wonder . . .

Did Grey just know who his family was and just love them immediately?

Was he just able to do all the things that his little broken body could not do here on Earth?

Who rocks him to sleep?

Does his room look like his room here?

Does he play with other babies?

Does he carry around his monkey Oatmeal?

I guess my biggest question is . . .

How could Grey be completely happy in Heaven if we are not there with him?

I really have to believe that there has to be some kind of door, and when he misses us, he opens it and there we are. I have to believe that this is much easier on him than it is on us. I have to believe that he doesn't miss us, because he's always around. I just can't see him.

The other night I was sitting here at the computer, typing, crying, letting myself be sad. It was late and the boys were in bed. Then I heard this boinking noise. I turned toward the noise and saw a balloon from Ry's birthday bouncing toward me. The heat had not turned on. There were no cats in sight. In my head I had a vivid picture of Grey, showing me that he can finally throw a ball.

I went to bed no longer sad.

Another gift.

1 comment:

catherine fenton said...


Your questions have often echoed in my mind and heart as well...and then, Carmen sends me a message so clear I'm brought to tears of wonder.
Greyson is beautiful, and you are doing a wonderful job of honouring him with your words and your actions.

lots of love,
Catherine Fenton, Carmen's mom