There are some places, just a couple, that at times I cannot bare to be in. One is the boys' bathroom. The other is on Grey's floor.
Every night as 7:00 it was bath time. It was one of Grey's favorite times of day, if not the favorite. In hindsight, the warm water probably relaxed his muscles. Most nights, I gave him his bath. And most nights, Riley joined him. Neither Ry or I have made it a point to have bath time in that bathroom since Grey's death. Silly, I know, but I would rather waste the money filling up my garden tub for Ry to bathe in than to have to sit on that bathroom floor without Grey in his tub. I wonder if Ry feels the same, since he begs to take a bath in my tub every night.
Grey took his last bath on a Wednesday night. To my regret now, I could not bare to give him his bath that night. Bill gave it to him. And it did calm him. Bill then took him in his room, and on the bedroom floor, as usual, proceeded to play with him. It was then that Grey gave his very last kiss, but not to me.
I wonder if he wondered where I was that night. I wish I would have done things differently. But I was so tired, so sad. And in thinking about me, I missed something I can never get back . . . his last bath, his last kiss.