Raw

I remember that when I first lost Grey, my eyelids would feel raw from the tears I had cried. I'd cry myself to sleep. I'd cry when I first woke up. I'd pull myself together and make it through the day at school, only to cry on the way home. I'm not sure what it is about today, but today, once again, I feel raw.

The weekends are always harder than my weeks. If I don't stay busy, I tend to lose myself in Greyson's memory. Nobody seems to understand my need for motion except me, and maybe my mom.

I've spent most of today realizing all the things I'll never get to do with Grey. I'll never sign him up for Little League. I'll never get to meet his friends. I'll never get to share Thin Mints with him. I'll never build a race track with him. I'll never yell at him for hitting his brother too hard with a Nerf sword. All these things, just a few realizations from one single day. Tomorrow I'll realize more, like he'll never watch a Super Bowl with me.

I don't know what it is about today, but every time I see his picture . . . I just feel raw.