I have that in Ceci.
She is the friend that reminds me that all I have to do is be. That if I will just be, I will be able to feel life for all it is. She helps me to realize that it is OK to feel the pain of Grey's loss. But in turn, it is also OK to celebrate the things I loved before I lost Grey.
Believe me, it probably would have been much easier to wait out yesterday's storm in the comfort of my own home. But in "being" with Ceci, I braved the weather and headed out to the Austin City Limits Music Festival to see the Dave Matthews Band.
Decked out in Grey's favorite Halloween shirt, my Crocs, and a $1.29 poncho, I drove an hour and a half in the pouring rain just to get there. After an excellent dinner at my favorite restaurant, we paid $20 bucks to park and trekked 15 minutes to Zilker Park.
To say we were ankle deep in mud would have been an understatement! Lone flip flops were strewn everywhere, as many had just given up on any sort of footwear. But off we trudged, all the way across the park to the Livestrong Stage.
Ceci and I parted for a mere 5 minutes, as I looked for a shirt for my brother. She had something else she wanted to check out. And as I stood, people-watching, a member of DMB walked right past me! I was in shock, so much so that I couldn't even call his name. Years I've waited to meet someone, anyone, from the band. And when the opportunity arose, I completely froze. I couldn't even get to my camera in time, since I was anal enough to pack everything in Ziploc bags so that they wouldn't get ruined.
A minute later Ceci found me.
"The guy! The guy, Ceci, with the beard! I couldn't even remember his name! He walked past me and I waved, and he smiled! The guy who took Roi's place!"
"You saw Jeff Coffin!"
"See. You should have stayed with me. You could have talked, and we'd be backstage by now!"
I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Oh, but I was so close!
Then it started to pour! We put on our ponchos, my glasses fogging, and waited for the show to start.
Was it the best DMB show I have seen yet? No. Did they play Grey Street or Baby Blue as I had hoped like the night before? No. But was it worth it?
Because last night I remembered what it was like to just "be". To just be with my friend like we use to, before I had this loss, with the rain in my face, the mud through my toes, and the joy in my heart.
Here's to next Spring, my friend. Where will the boys take us next? I love you. What you said, about being Grey's Godmother . . . you're amazing! Nothing you ever say from here on out will ever mean more.