Sunday, November 29, 2009

Thanksgiving Break

As Thanksgiving approached, I looked forward to the end of "this time last year". Next to Bill's birthday, Thanksgiving was the last holiday that we spent with Grey. A big part of me looks forward to not having to compare everything to last year. But I also know that the three weeks ahead are going to be tough; Dec.3rd-Bill's birthday, Dec. 4th-our last dr's appt. & the day we called Hospice, Dec.12th-the day we lost Grey, and Dec. 18th-Grey's 2nd birthday. I'm so grateful that I have all of you pulling me through.

Wednesday, Ceci and I took Ry to the zoo. We all had a blast! I even got brave enough, only because I was dared by a 6 year old, to feed the birds. I hate birds. They just scare me, their wings and beaks and all. You just never know what they could do.

Thursday, the boys and I celebrated Thanksgiving with Bill's family and then with my dad and step-mom, as Bill had to work. It was nice to be around all my nieces and nephews. But Grey was always at the forefront of my mind. My dad took the boys out in his new Mustang. Instantly he became the coolest grandpa ever! And that's neat for him. I haven't been the best at making sure he gets to spend a lot of time with the boys. I need to do better.

Friday, I had a girls' night out with my sisters-in-law. We had a great time! We went to dinner and saw New Moon (not that great). We all are so busy in our little worlds. It's nice every once in a while to be able to make time for each other. Sometimes I forget just how much they love me and my family. We haven't been the easiest group to be around the past year.

I spent Saturday waiting to be able to go pick up my mom at the airport. Boy did I miss her! This is the first Thanksgiving we haven't spent together in many years. I was glad she got to spend time with my brother and his family though. She needed a break from us, just to be able to get away and not eat, sleep, breath Grey's loss like we do. But having her home is like wrapping yourself in your favorite cozy blanket, like the feeling you get as it rubs up against your cheek and you close your eyes and smile. I don't know how else to describe my relationship with her. She's my everything.

Sunday morning we got up and put a turkey in the oven to celebrate Thanksgiving at home with my mom. As the turkey cooked, Bill, the boys, and I headed to my sister-in-law's for my niece's 3rd birthday. We have pictures of Grey this time last year (see, there it is again) at her 2nd birthday party. They are the last pictures we took of him, taken only 2 weeks before he died. It was really hard to be back there today. Everywhere I looked I saw him. But in his own way, he once again let me know that he was OK. He's so awesome like that!

This evening Mom and Ceci celebrated Thanksgiving with us. There's no Thanksgiving like a Thanksgiving at home, even if it's a few days late. After dinner we put up the Christmas tree and hung the stockings, both of which brought me to tears. I was fine until I found Grey's hippopotamus ornament. I just wanted to touch it, because I knew he had. I know it sounds crazy, but unlike his clothes that I had washed, it was one of the few things that has remained untouched, expect by him. Riley was diligent in hanging Grey's stocking. On the hook also hangs Grey's baby blue "Grey's Gift" bracelet. In his stocking we placed Oatmeal (his monkey). Grey is still so much a part of this season, as he always will be.

Many of you have asked if we are going to do anything on the 12th, and honestly, we've gone back and forth. But today we decided that we would like to open up our house, from 1:00 - 5:00, for those of you that would like to stop by. Nothing fancy, maybe some snacks. However, we will have a small helium tank and balloons so that we can send them up to Grey. Bill, my mom, the boys, and I will be releasing our balloons shortly after 2:00, but balloons will be available throughout the day.

Please keep our family in your thoughts, prayers, energies . . . whatever you do. We'll take all we can get.

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