I've been waiting, waiting 1 week and 3 days, to dream about you. Like I am looking for a sign from you that you are OK. Then tonight I dreamt that I was holding you and stroking your crazy hair. I could smell it. But then I woke up and now I don't know what to do.
I moved out to the front couch and turned on the Christmas tree. It was the last place that we were, when I know that you were still fully with me. We sat there together for at least 30 minutes until we both drifted off to sleep.
I turned on my ipod and fat cat Jade jumped up on my stomach and laid down on my chest, like she was trying to fill your void. I know she's trying, but it's just not the same. I wonder if tears can short out the ear buds to my ipod. That would stink.
I miss you so much Grey Grey. Sometimes it feel like it takes every ounce of energy I have in me just to smile. I know you don't want that for me. I keep telling myself that I am too proud of you to be sad. But I need more signs Grey. I need to feel your spirit, even though your body no longer exists. My arms are so empty.
How To Say Goodbye - Michael W. Smith
Tell me when the time we had slipped away
Tomorrow turned to yesterday
And I don't know how
Tell me what can stop this river of tears
It's been building up for years
For this moment now
Here I stand
Arms open wide
I've held ya close
Kept ya safe
Till you could fly
Tell me where the road ahead is gonna bend
And how to harness up the wind
And how to say goodbye
Tell me why Why does following your dreams
Take you far away from me
And I knew that it would
Tell me how to feel the space you left behind
And how to laugh instead of cry
And how to say goodbye
Here I stand
Arms open wide
I've held ya close
Kept ya safe
Till you could fly
Tell me where the road ahead is gonna bend
And how to harness up the wind
And how to say goodbye
I moved out to the front couch and turned on the Christmas tree. It was the last place that we were, when I know that you were still fully with me. We sat there together for at least 30 minutes until we both drifted off to sleep.
I turned on my ipod and fat cat Jade jumped up on my stomach and laid down on my chest, like she was trying to fill your void. I know she's trying, but it's just not the same. I wonder if tears can short out the ear buds to my ipod. That would stink.
I miss you so much Grey Grey. Sometimes it feel like it takes every ounce of energy I have in me just to smile. I know you don't want that for me. I keep telling myself that I am too proud of you to be sad. But I need more signs Grey. I need to feel your spirit, even though your body no longer exists. My arms are so empty.
How To Say Goodbye - Michael W. Smith
Tell me when the time we had slipped away
Tomorrow turned to yesterday
And I don't know how
Tell me what can stop this river of tears
It's been building up for years
For this moment now
Here I stand
Arms open wide
I've held ya close
Kept ya safe
Till you could fly
Tell me where the road ahead is gonna bend
And how to harness up the wind
And how to say goodbye
Tell me why Why does following your dreams
Take you far away from me
And I knew that it would
Tell me how to feel the space you left behind
And how to laugh instead of cry
And how to say goodbye
Here I stand
Arms open wide
I've held ya close
Kept ya safe
Till you could fly
Tell me where the road ahead is gonna bend
And how to harness up the wind
And how to say goodbye
2 comments:
Nicole,
I'm so sorry to hear about Grey's passing. I know there are no words to say that haven't been said, or that would change anything. I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers. I live in Austin and also have 4 kids, one of which, Chritopher, is fighting another Leuko, Alexander's disease. Many of my closest friends have children with Krabbe as well. If you are ever up to it, perhaps we could meet one day? my son's website is
www.caringbridge.org/visit/
christopherbenson.
It is all in the recording that you "found" and had forgotten all about. Little Grey had a hand in you finding that. He knew you needed to hear from him. He heard you cry out. I don't think it is a coincidence. That recording of him laughing is going to bring all of you so much comfort, as I am sure it already has.
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