In The Darnedest Places

I spent a good part of this evening at our school's elective fair. I saw a lot of people. Got a lot of "those" hugs. Got a lot of those "How are you doing's". By the time I left I was worn out, tired of all the sympathetic eyes.

As I was walking down the hall with my friend I noticed, in the janitor's closet, a picture of Jesus propped up on a roll of toilet paper. For some reason it just struck me as funny. I laughed, hysterically. For a moment I had found my sense of humor, a glimpse of the old me.

Some people see Jesus in the details. I see him in the janitor's closet setting on a roll of toilet paper. I guess you can find Jesus in the darnedest places, as long as you're looking.

SA Living Link

Here is the site to our segment on SA Living.

http://www.woai.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoId=667246@video.woai.com&navCatId=13

Thanks to Shelly and SA Living for making us feel at home on the couch.

Thanks to Delaine and Goose for the opportunity to first tell our story.

I see Grey's spirit in all of you.

My Shooting Star

Dear Little Man,

I don't think that there will ever be a time that I won't wonder about what you would be doing if you were still with us and healthy. At 14 1/2 months, I can now only imagine as to what you would be like, how you would look, and who you would take after. It makes me so sad.

When we first lost you I searched and searched for videos of you, knowing that we had not taken many. The only one I found was of your baptism, and looking back at it I can now see the affects of your disease that we were oblivious to then.

But today, you gave me another gift. Hidden away in the back of a drawer was a video of you taken when you were three months old, before you were symptomatic. I was feeding you your first bowl of cereal. You were eating it up. Then you were taking a bath with Ry. How you loved your bathes. Next you were on your changing table. After bathtime always seemed to be your favorite time. You were kicking and smiling, making sounds that were so new to you. And lastly, you were at Ry's T-Ball game, sitting up in your stroller, laughing at the wind. All good times.

Who would have thought then how drastically our lives would change? That like a shooting star, you would shine and amaze us all, but leave us as quickly at you came.

Love,

Forever Your Mom

New Committee Members

Grey’s bill (HB1795) has been sent to the Public Health Committee instead of the Appropriations Subcommittee on Health and Human Services.

Here is the link to the correct committee:
http://www.house.state.tx.us/committees/list81/410.htm

I hate to ask, but please take time to email these members. Please pass this post on to anybody and everybody. We have to get through this committee before we go to the subcommittee. We could be meeting with this new committee as soon as next week.

I would like to share with you that, in calling to make appointments with members of the subcommittee, they definitely know who we are. We have all of you to thank for that.

Deeper

If I look deep enough, I still can see Grey's gifts.

You Just Can't Win Against A Six-Year-Old

Tonight Riley begged me to play a game called Landscapes with him. It's a game where you build castles and have ogres and things that fire discs and rocks. Believe me, it was the last thing I wanted to do. But Ry knows that if he whines enough I'll give in, and I did.

So we build our cities and he puts this disc into this slingshot looking thing. He fires and misses. My turn. I fire and his one of his ogres. Ha ha! I'm winning, so I think. Until he stands his guy back up and tells me he has a medic. He fires again and hits one of my guys. Apparently, I do not have medics. So, being the competitive sort that I am, I pick up a rock and throw it, hard, at his castle. It falls over. Ha ha!

Now he tells me he has engineers!

How do you win against that?!

But Tonight . . .

Dear Grey Grey,

I know it has been awhile since I have stopped to just sit and talk with you. Most days I try with all my might to push your loss aside, so that I don't cave under it. But tonight, I sit and I fight back the tears because I miss you so much.

It's a busy time right now at school, TAKS testing. I know I play a big part in making my end of it happen. Yet every other thought is of you. And things, such as my job, seem so . . . unimportant. If my kids' testing goes off without a hook tomorrow it won't because I gave it 100%. It will be because I got lucky. But I figure that's the least God can do since He took you from me.

As time goes on, the new routines become more familiar. I no longer look for your carseat in the van. But I still don't feel comfortable in the bleachers without you in my arms. Sometimes I swear I hear you and it makes me smile. Saturday I went into a new store, a store with no memories of you in it. A store whose baby section I had never bought you clothes from. I wait for first like that, but when they come they knock me flat.

Every night I go to sleep waiting and hoping to dream of you. When my alarm goes off at 6, I hit the snooze bar at least twice, begging you to just give me just a few minutes with you. Maybe you know I'm not ready. Maybe you know if you visited me in my dreams I'd never want to wake up.

I just don't know how this will get any easier. I hate that I have to listen to a recording of your laugh to remember what you sound like. I see babies learning to walk and I wonder, now at 14 1/2 months old, what you would be doing, what I'm missing out on . . . other than you just being.

We're still working hard Grey to get your law passed. And I do see the gifts you continue to give me everyday. Most days, your gifts get me through. But some days, like today, they're just not enough.

Never have I loved, or been loved, so unconditionally as with you. Maybe that's why it hurts so much. But I do believe, and always will, that I am the luckiest person in the world to have been chosen to be your mom. Someday Little Man, we'll wrestle and play together. Until then, know that you are in my every thought. I breath you in with every breathe I take.